Every week, we round up the most hilarious tweets from moms and dads. As 2016 draws to a close, it’s time to laugh at the best parenting tweets from the whole year (because, let’s be honest, we could use some extra laughter this year).
Scroll down to read the best of 2016 and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
Let’s get married and have kids so instead of enjoying coffee in the morning you can braid hair while I pack lunches and we can all be late.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) October 27, 2016
Becoming a parent means spending the rest of your life looking like you are in desperate need of a shower, a nap, and a heavy drink.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) October 29, 2016
Before kids: “Oh I don’t drink coffee”
1 kid: “I’ll have one cup, lots of cream & sugar”
2 kids: “THE WHOLE POT BLACK YES I KNOW IT’S HOT”
— Wendy S. (@maughammom) June 16, 2016
When someone asks what it’s like to be a mom I show them the magazine I’ve been carrying for 6mths,because dammit I’m gonna read it one day.
— MommieKnowsfresh (@MommieKnwsFresh) July 21, 2016
There are actually only two stages of parenthood: having children, and having children who can reach things on countertops.
— Cray at Home Ma (@cray_at_home_ma) October 12, 2016
Preschool Registration form: What’s one word you would use to describe your child?
*writes in all caps: RELENTLESS.
— Meredith (@PerfectPending) February 6, 2016
Parenting is basically surprising yourself each day due to how much stuff you can get done while in a perpetual state of exhaustion.
— Doyin Richards (@daddydoinwork) February 16, 2016
Watching kids practice their dance routine. If you think by the law of averages at least 2 would clap in sync with each other you’d be wrong
— Mark, Sonny & Luca (@sonnyandluca) August 23, 2016
Nap time is dead. In memoriam, we ask that you send wine in lieu of flowers.
— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) October 10, 2016
You know you’re truly a parent when you are required to show the pictures in the book you are reading to the stuffed animals in the room.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) November 7, 2016
Planning a family outing is just deciding which activity will lead to the least amount of complaining from the least number of people.
— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) August 29, 2016
6yo: I don’t like being by myself!
Me: I do.
6yo: When were you alone?
M: The last time was about six years ago.
*stares son down*
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) December 8, 2016
It takes my toddler son four minutes to put his shoes on, yet he can delete three apps & open Netflix on my iPhone in 12 seconds.
— Six Pack Mom (@Six_Pack_Mom) October 4, 2016
4yo: “Daaaaddy! I need your help! I’m in the bathroom! I tried to practice wiping my own butt!”
Me: “How’d it go?”
4yo: “Not too good.”
— ReasonsMySonIsCrying (@ReasonsMySonCry) May 17, 2016
Parenting tip: maybe don’t leave Hungry Hungry Hippos on the floor of a dark room.
— Rachel Dratch (@TheRealDratch) August 1, 2016
If you’re not prepared to spend 1/3 of your day “watching this,” then you aren’t ready to be a parent.
— Beau Coffron (@lunchboxdad) August 4, 2016
When I was a kid I would never have believed how much parenting in 2016 involves finding missing iPad chargers.
— Mamatoga (@Mamatoga) December 6, 2016
I never knew how long it took a human to fall asleep until I had kids. In case you’re wondering it’s 2 hours, 3 cups of water, & 18 books.
— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) May 31, 2016
My 7yo is mad at me because my b-day is closer to his friend’s b-day than it is to his, in case you wondered what parenthood is like.
— Andy Herald (@AndyHerald) November 10, 2016
Me: Grande nonfat latte please, no sugar.
Her: Ms. Jennings, this is the school attendance window.
— Brenna Jennings (@SuburbanSnaps) September 6, 2016
If you ever want to see how patient you are, watch a 4 yr old try to zip up their jacket. You should be canonized for sainthood after that.
— Danielle Herzog (@martinisandmini) February 22, 2016
Kids just spotted the new pup on Paw Patrol and they are losing their freaking minds like we’re at a rock concert.
— Diane Huntington (@idtweetforever) September 21, 2016
My biggest parenting conundrum: why it is so hard to put someone who is already sleepy to sleep
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) August 5, 2016
Me: Can you guys cooperate if I take you to the store?
5yo: Do we have to decide right now?
— Lurk @ Home Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) October 25, 2016
My kid is genuinely pissed off at me because there is a “p” in the word “receipt,” in case you wondered exactly how rewarding parenthood is.
— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) October 4, 2016
If I insisted on getting my kids to bed by 7:00 every night, I’d have to start their bedtime routine just after breakfast.
— Dave Lesser (@AmateurIdiot) May 22, 2016
I let my kids follow their dreams, unless I already paid the registration fee on their last dream, then they follow that for 6-8 more weeks.
— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) December 15, 2016
I didn’t know how good my sons were at lying until they told their uncle they “liked school” with a straight face.
— Father With Twins (@FatherWithTwins) March 17, 2016
No matter how many times it happens, the most surprising part of my day as a parent is when a plastic toy starts singing for no gd reason.
— Farah Miller (@farahlearned) September 1, 2016
Listen, kids are great and maybe even the best but they are also gross weirdos figuring out how to be human beings through trial and error
— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) January 7, 2016
OH GOOD MY TODDLER DISCOVERED BAND AIDS AND NOW THERES 385781726 TINY PIECES OF PAPER EVERYWHERE AND SHE HAS 72648328 BANDAIDS ON HER BODY.
— Court (@Discourt) May 25, 2016
There are few things more terrifying than finding your toddler in the living room with an uncapped red Sharpie in her hand.
— Sara (@smilely_gal) February 9, 2016
I’m now telling my two kids that I DO have a favorite – but it’s neither of them.
— Steve Olivas (@steveolivas) September 23, 2016
If you don’t call your kid all its siblings names, the dog’s name & the rabbit’s name before getting it right then what kind of mum are you
— Claire Smith (@MinistryOfMum) September 28, 2016
It’s the last day of school where do I put my kid tomorrow
— Emily McCombs (@msemilymccombs) June 28, 2016
50% of parenting is telling people to put their pants back on.
— Jen Simon (@NoSleepInBklyn) April 21, 2016
Do you like warm food, hot coffee and TV programs longer than 3 minutes long?
Then fatherhood is not for you.
— Tom Reseigh (@Tom_Rez) April 25, 2016
*slips moving guy a 20 and a box marked “most annoying toys*
If you could make this one “fall off the truck” there’s another 20 in it for ya
— Carly Danger (@carlyken) March 2, 2016
The kids are quiet. I’m not sure if I should be thrilled or terrified.
— Stella G. Maddox (@StellaGMaddox) March 24, 2016
Listening to my kids argue about who has the most homework tonight sounds like I need to make a quick trip to the liquor store.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) January 5, 2016
As a kid playing parent, I never accounted for the 8 hours a week I’d lose taking underwear out of inside out pants while doing laundry.
— Mike Reynolds (@EverydayGirlDad) May 2, 2016
I just literally realized that I could go to the movie theater while the kids are in school. I’ve wasted a year doing “housework”.
— ♀ (@justjesssssssss) May 6, 2016
Pro parenting tip: Always die first in a lightsaber battle. You get to rest the longest.
— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) March 11, 2016
Kids would be better if they disappeared when they fell asleep and reappeared when you woke up.
— Lunarbaboon (@Lunarbaboon) May 29, 2016
I’m not sure what I did wrong but the pile of LEGOs left on the bath mat while I was in the shower seems like some kind of threat.
— Jessica Watson (@JessBWatson) April 22, 2016
When you’re ridiculously sick yet you’d rather take the train into the office just to escape your home, you’ve probably got a 2-year-old.
— Aaron Gouveia (@DaddyFiles) March 7, 2016
5yo: Just one more question before I go to bed.
5yo: What are the lines on your forehead for?
5yo: Now they look angry.
— Paige Kellerman (@PaigeKellerman) March 15, 2016